Miley Cyrus Apologizes....Again

"I was embarrassed," she tells Billboard magazine, "but also it's like, every career thing that I do can't be perfect, and sometimes my decisions are wrong. I think that just makes me even more relatable.

Of course, she's talking about the infamous Vanity Fair photos by Annie Leibovitz. I still can't figure out why Miley Cyrus was on the cover of the magazine to begin with.....she's 15 years old. Isn't Vanity Fair a magazine that features stories on highbrow artists, "old" world entertainers, and corporate scandals, while at the same time promoting their left wing politics? Where's the tween audience?

This just proves that even a respected magazine and photographer aren't afraid to get their hands a little dirty in order to increase circulation. Was I the only person who thought the pic with her dad was even creepier? And where was Disney in all of this? You'd think they'd have a lot to say when it comes to the branding of a little known product as "Hannah Montana".

So, why is Miley Cyrus still apologizing? Last I checked she was just 15 --not technically an adult -- and did not choose to do that photo on her own. She certainly did not style herself in those photos, and I'm sure that more than one of her handlers was present for the shoot. Isn't someone --Jim Humphrey-- out there getting paid a lot of money to manage her career?

When I was 15, the biggest decisions I made had to do with what I was wearing, or which boy crush I was going to anonymously call a hundred times a day. Even when I got in trouble, my parents were expected to take the blame. Why is everyone holding Miley Cyrus to a higher standard?

New and Improved Muffin-Top

If I was the marketing director for the Department of Child Services my adoption campaign would go something like this: "Don't Become a Victim of 'Mommy-Top'; Adopt a Child". If we revealed the "mommy-top" syndrome along with a half dozen other post-baby secrets, we may be able to find some deserving children a permanent home.



What is "mommy-top"? If you don't know, then you're probably a man or haven't given birth. It is the sagging skin that once you've lost your pregnancy weight, hired a personal trainer, and detoxified your body is still lingering low on your belly. It likes to distinguish itself with crinkles and stretch marks. Occasionally, it will take a temporary vacation and attach itself to your gluteus region, but it usually returns if dessert is involved.

When trying on swimsuits I look in the 3-way mirror (typically in horror) and repeat my mantra over and over: "I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids." Then I suck in my gut and pretend like I'm 21 again.

Summer Reading: The Three-Martini Playdate

Reading this book was like flipping thru my parent's childhood photo albums. A time when birthday parties meant a party at the house with a sprinkler, a couple of games, and cake. Where cocktails for adults were acceptable and the guest list consisted of your friends and their children. The author, Christie Mellor is dead on when it comes to pointing out how ridiculous we have become by allowing our children to "become the center of our universe".

In the opening of the book she states: "Somehow a pint-sized velvet revolution was waged right under our very noses, and the grown-ups quietly handed over the reins." I was reading this when my 4 year old announced we would be leaving for Walmart in a few minutes to look at Incredible Hulk costumes. I gave him the 5 minute hand signal and kept reading.

I'm glad I'm not the only person not eager to join Mommy and Me classes, or anything requiring me to spend more time talking about children. I'd like to think a few of us mommys had a life before kids, and can balance being a good mom while maintaining an intellectual conversation. I got sucked into the mommy trap for a few years, but am slowly dragging myself out. I'm reading the newspaper again, letting my parenting magazines collect dust, and asking friends to join me for cocktails or dinner. The Three-Martini Playdate reminds us that it's healthy to have a life outside of parenthood, and beneficial for kids to not have people orbiting around them.

Would You Like Fries With That?

I was sitting at the YMCA the other day -- watching my four year old take swim lessons -- people watching and feeling guilty about the thoughts I was having. Every where I looked (summer camp is in session) I saw kids --mass quantities of kids-- and they were fat. Not just a little baby fat, but roley-poley, holy guacamole fat. I'm not the type of person to make quick judgements, but I wanted to slap the Cheese Puffs right out of their parent's hands.

Let me just start out by saying that we don't discuss dieting at my house. We don't discuss the evils of processed food and drive-thru takeout with our kids. They're age 4 and 19 months. They eat what we expose them too. I don't ever want to be one of "those" parents who rations out pretzels and takes their child to Weight Watcher's meetings on the way to a Build-a-Bear birthday party.

It's a delicate balance to raise a healthy child without them feeling denied. Right now, my kids think Ronald McDonald is just some funny looking clown on the outside of a building. They love any kind of food that comes out of a miniture bag, and are in awe of the sparkly packaging in the candy aisle. At birthday parties, they seek out every kind of orange food they can find, and make a game out of accumulating juice boxes. This is where other people's eating habits trickle into my kids......this is where the feeling of deprivation comes in.

My next challenge will be the elementary school cafeteria with their vending machines and questionable food options. I just looked at their menu and found a Stuffed Crust Pizza with 379 calories and 15 grams of fat. Add a juice and a cookie and you're over 600 calories for a nutrionless lunch. This isn't half as bad as middle and high school where I found a PB & Jelly Jamwich (not sure what that is) with 608 calories and 32 grams of fat. For close to 1000 calories your child can enjoy a "Jamwich" with a cookie and a Pepsi. Mmm....yummy.

Their is a price to be paid for convenience food and overindulgence. I'm sick of hearing mother's complain about how their children will only eat --you fill in the blank-- certain crappy food. Food they've regretfully exposed their kids to, and now must fix on command to avoid a tantrum. Get a backbone, you're not a short order cook and your kitchen does not belong to Denny's. If they're hungry, they will eat. Repeat after me: Fruit and Veggies are not punishment. They will reward your child's body with good health and a sharp mind. Their skin will glow and they'll have more energy. They will not be a child obesity statistic. The site of their body will not make some random suburban mom wonder why so many of our kids are fat.