Wednesday, June 25, 2008

New and Improved Muffin-Top


If I was the marketing director for the Department of Child Services my adoption campaign would go something like this: "Don't Become a Victim of 'Mommy-Top'; Adopt a Child". If we revealed the "mommy-top" syndrome along with a half dozen other post-baby secrets, we may be able to find some deserving children a permanent home.



What is "mommy-top"? If you don't know, then you're probably a man or haven't given birth. It is the sagging skin that once you've lost your pregnancy weight, hired a personal trainer, and detoxified your body is still lingering low on your belly. It likes to distinguish itself with crinkles and stretch marks. Occasionally, it will take a temporary vacation and attach itself to your gluteus region, but it usually returns if dessert is involved.

When trying on swimsuits I look in the 3-way mirror (typically in horror) and repeat my mantra over and over: "I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids." Then I suck in my gut and pretend like I'm 21 again.

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